I recently read an article posted on Facebook by a friend and fellow Science of the Mind believer about the “dark side of ‘positive thinking.” The article is about this Brazilian Shaman, who also happens to be a motivational coach to corporate execs, who makes a case that positive thinking, or the Law of Attraction, is self defeating. People who try it only end up frustrated and self hating because they judge themselves when they inevitably become sad or angry at something.
The article really rubbed me the wrong way because he spoke about the power of our minds as though it is a fad, something to try. And the truth is that the Law of Attraction, or the power of positive thinking, is an active lifestyle.
Do or Do Not
My husband thinks he’s Yoda sometimes.
“Do, or do not. There is no try.”
He likes to crack this joke in his best Zen master voice whenever I tell him I will try to get to something.
“Yes. I’ll try to remember to call the insurance tomorrow.”
“Yes. I’ll try to get to the laundry before I leave for work.”
And so on.
But he’s right. I didn’t try to get out of bed to start my day with peace and joy. I launched myself out of bed when my alarm went off at 5:30AM, propelled myself toward my French press, and wandered over to my yoga mat with a tall glass of water in hand while I waited for the teapot to boil.
I did.
I didn’t “try.”
And most of us have heard this same mantra about diet. I recently wrote a piece on how weight loss and fitness are a lifestyle, not a fad. The body you want, the fitness level you want, has to be something you give your life to. You cannot simply crash diet or experiment for a few months, a year, hit your goal, and go back to the way things were.
Which is why, I made the point, you need to make sure it’s enjoyable. Something you will continue to do. Do it. Or don’t do it. But know every single moment that you are making choices that create your reality.
To be clear, this is not judgment or criticism of people who have a hard time making the better choices they want/need to make. This knowledge is empowering. Life is about choices. If you are unhappy, choose better. It certainly makes no sense to keep doing the same things you have been doing that are making you miserable.
What is that saying?
That’s the one.
Law of Attraction
And so the power of positive thinking works exactly like that. It is not, as has been entirely misinterpreted by this shaman and many, many others, forced happiness. And it is absolutely not never feeling sad or angry or frustrated or outraged about things that happen.
On the contrary, I was just today quite frustrated with my six year old for keeping her play area in disarray.
And my heart is still heavy after the Florida high school shooting that took place weeks ago.
The power of positive thinking says that you will honor all of your feelings, and you will find a way back to feeling good. You will cry, you will yell, you will threaten your six year old with a giant plastic garbage bag that can easily be filled up with child’s toys (maybe that’s just me?).
You are human.
And then you will work through your feelings in a way that makes you feel good again.
Maybe you lost your son to suicide, like my aunt did.
Finding a Way Through Loss and Grief
She crawled under the covers and didn’t come out for a year!
And she went to therapy. And she went to group. And she cried and cried and cried. And she raged and she raged and she raged.
And one day she got dressed and put makeup on and went out into the world, and felt a little better.
And then she fell down and crawled back under the covers.
But then she went out for two days.
And back under the covers.
And then she took a yoga class.
She made a friend.
She helped someone else feel strong.
And she kept trying new things until the pain wasn’t a constant burning ache that made her want to just die but just a dull ever present reminder of a boy she adored. Just sweet nostalgic memories of a chubby baby with a giant curly afro and a love of dinosaurs.
This Too Shall Pass
Whatever it is, whatever it is, if you are still alive, you will work through it, you will feel better, you will feel good. And you must always believe this. You must trust that you can get back to good. It is a way of life. Good is your default.
Because if life isn’t about an all around satisfaction with the life you have chosen, then, pardon my French, but what the fuck is the point? (That’s French right? My French is a little rusty.)
This shitty job can lead to a better job and then a better one.
Perhaps giving your dickhead boss who is downright abusive to you the middle finger and walking out of work is the answer for you. (Yea, that same aunt did that, and went on to find a much better job.)
Sometimes in order to shift your perspective you have to make some serious changes, sometimes just small ones, but the truth is that the power of positive thinking is never purely mental.
Yes, I have seen marriages shift just because both people changed their perspectives on each other and their marriage. But what follows that changed perspective is also changed action.
He brings her coffee in bed now.
She waits up late nights for him to come home now.
You get the idea.
Gross Mischaracterization
So what bothers me about the aforementioned article is that the power of positive thinking is grossly mischaracterized, ridiculed, and minimized.
Not one serious practitioner of the Law of Attraction would tell you to simply sit and read lots of books and meditate and everything will come flying to you.
It reminds me of the parable about the flood.
The devout believer finds himself in the middle of a flood, and he refused to leave his house.
The water is getting deeper and friends drive by and knock on his door.
“Come on!” They say. “Let’s get out of here!”
“No. God will save me.” He says.
And the waters rise. He finds himself chased by the flood up to his second floor.
Friends go by in a boat.
“Come on! Get in! The flood is out of control!”
“No, no. Thank you my friends,” he calls out the second story window. “God will save me.”
Finally, the floods have gotten so high that the believer is on his rooftop, surrounded by water on all sides. No chance to escape.
A helicopter flies over head.
“Sir.” They call down on the loud speaker. “Sir, we’re lowering a ladder for you. Climb up.”
“No thank you!” He shouts up to them. “God will save me!”
And the floods swept him away and he died.
He gets to heaven, walks through the pearly gates, and asks God.
“Why didn’t you save me? I spent my whole life believing in you.”
God replies, exasperated, “I sent you a Jeep, a boat, and a helicopter!”
The Law of Attraction does not tell us to simply think positive. It tells us to believe that the universe wants only good for us, to believe that we can have everything we ever dreamed of, and then to remain open to all possible avenues toward achieving those dreams.
Yes, your driving force should be good. You should feel good in life. Your default mood should be one of happiness.
Why? Why Should I Be Happy?
Are you really gonna make me speak French again?
Why else are we here, if not to be happy?
The alternative default is misery.
Suffering.
Or just blah.
That sounds like so much fun, doesn’t it?
Honestly, there have been whole hundreds of years of movements by certain religions that did indeed teach us that this was to be our default.
Christians preached to slaves to suffer on earth and get to heaven.
Certain religious cultural practices engage in genital mutilation of females for the express purpose of removing pleasure from sex. On the premise that pleasure is bad.
So perhaps this is why we have been so thoroughly conditioned that we cannot possibly go through life happy.
But I ask you: why work so hard at being unhappy? Because if you think about it, it does indeed take work to think about all the bad things in your past, or to worry about all the potential horrors in your future. And if we’re talking about the present, and your present moment is one of misery – change it.
But, if you are reading this, you can see, you can read. I bet you’re reading this on a phone or a computer. You can probably walk and talk. You can feel. You can love. You can laugh. You can inspire. You can dream. You can you can you can you can.
You can.
Why should you be happy? Because you can be.
Going from where you are to where you want to be simply requires you to believe that you can get there (positive thinking) and then walk/work toward it, maintaining that positive thinking.
(I could provide a list of people who have done this from MichelAngelo to Jennifer Lopez, but that is fodder for a whole new essay.)
And have fun along the way.
Because the point of this exercise called life isn’t about racing toward goals; it is about walking, strolling even, toward them and enjoying the journey.
Because guess what? As soon as you achieve that goal, you’re going to set another one.
Smell the freaking flowers.
Seeing Eye to Eye with a Shaman
Ultimately, this corporate Brazilian shaman says a better approach is to imagine the worst case scenario and then recognize that you can get up from there, whatever that is. And that you can keep getting up until you get what you are working toward.
I actually do this, have always done this.
I do this professionally, personally, and in relationships.
I recently started marketing my women’s empowerment circles with WomanSpeak, an organization that helps women grow confidence in their womanhood and their message through public speaking practices among circles of women.
I found myself paralyzed, unable to call on my own girlfriends to come to my intro nights.
And what finally loosened my paralysis was that exact method.
What’s the worst that could happen? They think I’m a sales person? They think it’s a gimmick? They think I’m trying to take their money?
And then I could open myself up to all those answers and responses. I believe in what I’m doing. I believe in the organization. I believe the process is effective. I believe I am good at lifting women up. I believe I am worth the monthly membership fee for my circles.
And I made the calls, and of course I got overwhelming support from all of my girlfriends.
So, you see, the shaman is not wrong; he is merely misguided.
And this happens often when people are teaching a method that is the “right way.” If your method is the “right way,” then by definition all others must be wrong.
But the two can actually coexist.
Think about it.
If you imagine the worst case scenario, and you are then supposed to imagine your way out of it, repeatedly if necessary, what is the one essential ingredient to the success of that entire imagined scenario?
You got it.
Positive thinking.
Fabulous essay! I love how in depth you went with it. I 100% agree!
wow thanks! Haha I actually hit publish accidentally and was just cleaning some stuff up. I’m glad you like it!
Found myself nodding along in agreement through out very well written piece!
thank you!
Fascinating, thank you for sharing x
thanks!
Very interesting…thanks for sharing your perspective.
you’re welcome!
It certainly is challenging to put yourself out there and feel positive! ITs a good thing to learn!
indeed!
Our thoughts are very powerful! I don’t think enough people realize this!
Thanks for sharing!
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We are so much more powerful than we know. Thank you!
you’re welcome!
Very thought provoking, thanks for sharing.
thank you!
I love what you have to say. I do think I have been spending too much time trying to make others happy. Time to think of my own happiness! Keep the good stuff coming, Shanna! ❤️
good for you Maggie! You go girl! And thank you!
Mindset and PMA and high vibes are so important in living the life you want.
agreed!
Some very interesting takes on positive thinking. When you step back and think about it, this is pretty accurate.
thank you!
I LOVE your quote in the middle. I was a little down about my blogging and not getting traffic compared to a lot of other people, but realized it’s also because I don’t put in as much time. Once I started upping my Pinterest game my traffic skyrocketed for a little bit. I now realize I need to really push myself more if I want to see success.
Yes! And be creative with it, open yourself up, don’t force yourself to do things that make you miserable! This should be fun!
Lots to think about here. Like the way you challenged a thought leader.
haha that’s what I do Verla. That’s what I do.
Attitude is everything! Great job!
thank you!
I needed to read this! I love it! Do. Everyday I sleep in an extra 15 minutes. Just get up! Do! Love it!
yay I am so glad!
Thinking positive goes a long way! Beautiful view from the window. 🙂
thank you! It really is.
Thanks for this post. I am a big believer in the law of attraction.
you are most welcome!
Thank you for sharing these type of posts! This is a new subject in my life right now and I have been amazed with just how brilliantly it works! I don’t have many friends who understand so I feel like when I try to explain it, I get the crazy stares! If they only understood!!
haha I know the feeling. Point them in my direction. I’ll explain.
I love the quotes you inserted throughout your post. This is exactly what I needed to read today!
yay! I love hearing that!
How you think about yourself and what you can (or cant) do certainly goes a long way in determining who you become and what you will (and wont) do. For me, the difference between thinking positively or negatively (or not at all, haha!) is not that positive thinking magically gives me what I want, but that it gives me the confidence to go after it in the way I need to go after it.
exactly! You just explained law of attraction in a very simplified nutshell.
Thank you for this post! A really beautiful reminder that to hold the beliefs of a positive mindset or the law of attraction doesn’t always mean being this perpetually upbeat, positive, outgoing person. SO IMPORTANT for optimal mental health.
Thank you for sharing!! <3
you are welcome!
Attitude and positive thinking is so important! This too shall pass is something my mom has told me since I was a little girl!
ha! My mom too!
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